2013 Forecast: The Fall of Vladimir Putin

Posted: January 6, 2013 in Futurism
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The intellectual forces of the workers and peasants are growing and getting stronger in their fight to overthrow the bourgeoisie and their accomplices, the educated classes, the lackeys of capital, who consider themselves the brains of the nation. In fact they are not its brains but its shit.

- Vladimir Lenin

We shall fight against them, throw them in prisons and destroy them.

― Vladimir Putin

Vlad's new BFFF (best franco-friend forever), Gerard Depardieu

Vlad’s new BFFF (best franco-friend forever), Gerard Depardieu

As if mocking the Cold War of yester-century, the ever-expanding French Actor Gerard Depardieu has defected from the socialist state of his origin to the capitalist comforts of Russia, leaving an exorbitant income tax of 75% to one of 11%. He was welcome into the Bear’s embrace by the Cold War veteran and Russian Premier, Vladimir Putin. While Russia has been prosperous of late and while the Mafia State may very well rule into the next century, Gerard should be wary of becoming too chummy with Vladimir as Putin’s days are numbered.

Russia is a kleptocracy, ruled by thieves with such systemic corruption it makes a prostituted nun selling a hotdog to a lipless pig charming by comparison. It is estimated in 2005 20% of Russia’s Gross Domestic Product was bribes. If Gerard was looking for pure unadulterated capitalism, he found it in Moscow.

Yet, Putin promises change. In a transparent gesture of good intention, Vlad has declared war on corruption. His “purge” shall rid Mother Russia of the vultures nipping at her teat once and for all. This gesture is absolute gobshite, of course, for Putin is the Machiavellian Prince of Thieves, having embezzled a billion dollars out of the hands of the Russian citizenry. This hollow gesture of ridding the Mafia State of its impurities may seem more ironic than malignant, but it shall be Vladimir Putin’s complete undoing.

Pimp versus Pimp

Pimp versus Pimp

Far from the frost-bitten foundation of the Kremlin, I, Vic Neverman, met with my brain-trust beneath the condominium high rises of Orlando, Florida to discuss the events leading to Vlad “the paler” Putin’s certain decline. As the tropical rains beat down any semblance of winter in the January night, I described my prognostication to Jack McCastle, international financial mastermind and bourbon aficionado. My thoughts are this: Russia is held together by an entangled web of deception, with every debauched cornerstone balanced upon a capstone of some other deceit. When Putin corrals some low caste criminal as his corrupt scapegoat, the ripple it will create within the web will be far-reaching. Those minor players will snitch and barter to save their own skin, spreading the cancer of suspicion & accusation until Russia becomes a State of Paranoia not seen since the Gulags of the Soviet Empire. Neighbor fighting neighbor, millionaire pimp versus millionaire pimp, billionaire technocrat against billionaire technocrat, the Russian countryside will become enflamed with internal strife. Each bastardized nobleman – Oil Barons, Lords of War, Dukes of the Adoption/Orphanage Racket, White Slavery Queens, SPAM Kings and Cyber Security Clergy – will look to put an end to the witch-hunt, an end that can only occur by cutting the head off of the snake. When the ripple effect invades the shores of Putin’s power brokers, his days are up. His allies will turn against him and Vladimir Putin will become the sacrificial goat, exiled to his Siberian hunting camp with his Franco-pal Depardieu.

It won’t be easy. This isn’t the classic Red vs. White of the Revolution. Vladimir Putin has his tentacles in everything – he is both old school and new school. He is a Soviet-born cretin, a monster of an authoritative police state. He is also a post-modern playboy, a media attention whore with a flair for voyeurism. Little by little, though, the Establishment of the Mafia State will begin snipping away at his tentacles, one clip at a time, until Vladimir Putin is reduced to a flailing Octopus.

Putin and his tentacles

Putin and his tentacles

Vlad’s absolute power has made him top-heavy. His fall will come and it will come hard.

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